Cut Out The Negative

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There comes a moment in everyone's life where everything happens all at once and a sense of overwhelming anxiety takes over which almost paralysis you. It's hard enough having a start up and now you have an illness or a family dispute demanding your attention. At that moment you want to stop and yell at the top of your lungs "I AM ONLY ONE PERSON!!"

But you know that won't help so you start bottling things up and before you know it you have become passive aggressive. You snap at your subordinates. You start projecting on to your support system. And they listen with an open ear and take the crap being dished out to them. Now here two things happen:
  1. Things start to get better around you and you bounce back to your original self. Where everyone is happy and no ones the wiser. 
  2. Or things start to get worse and you go down this downward spiral where the people around you don't know who you are anymore and they snap and leave you be. Now your logical argument is "They are my people. They are supposed to have my back." Or better yet "If you can't handle me at my worse, then maybe you don't deserve me at my best." The truth of the matter is they do but they are human and have a threshold just like you do. 

We have unrealistic expectations from our loved ones. We think that because they love us they will put up with anything. The security blanket of them not leaving is fastened so tightly around you that the contrary is something one can't fathom. And where do we get these notions from? Well, it's no mystery. Hollywood and Bollywood have painted unrealistic pictures of what love, romance, and marriage is so why not romanticise the concept of a support system also. We equate our support system to ones where the best friend is always there and comes running across the city in the rain or your partner forgiving everything by one look from across the room. While I love a perfect storyline just as much as the next girl these notions should be left at the screen and not carried into real life. 

Your journey is yours to go through. Don't expect anyone around you to understand it completely, that would be unrealistic. Make peace with the fact that certain parts of your journey will be alone. This isn't a bad thing. It makes you tougher and teaches you that you are enough and you stop relying on external comfort. Yes, this sounds crud. Some will even go so far as to say "Where is your faith in humanity?" Well, sweetheart its right where is was just that I want to be self-reliant. 

When we get into this negative spiral it affects our mood, in turn, our performance at work and our personal relationships. If it persists for too long it alters your personality and drives a wedge between you and your loved ones. You will find yourself so far down the rabbit hole that there will come a point wherein all you can see is darkness. This is not what your loved ones signed up for. 

So how do you deal with it cause the problems are still there? 
  1. Make a mental note of things that you can speak and cannot speak to people. This will help you keep yourself in check and not alienate your loved ones. They should be your escape when you want to forget you would spend time with them and since certain topics in your list are taboo it will help you switch off for a while. Hey, who knows maybe it will give you perspective. 
  2. Find coping mechanisms that work for you when you are alone to help you with your anxiety. Try everything till something clicks. For me its reading, sketching, baking or just a cup of coffee by the windowsill. 
  3. Question the situation. Why is this happening? What have you done to contribute to it? Can you do something to change it? If you get an answer find a way to implement it and solve the problems. If you can't do anything about it go back to point 2. 

There will be times that people will see you at your absolute worst and hopefully this will be your people. But these tools should help you hold your own and equip you so no one sees your under belly. Your weakness, deepest insecurities etc. Will turn into strengths as you learn to either mask them, compensate for them or over come them. 



"All the worlds' a stage, and all the men and women merely players; 
They have their exits and their entrances, 
And one man in his time plays many parts.." - William Shakespeare. 

As you play your part and become stronger with each passing hurdle you realize that when others come to you with their hurdles you are a lot more receptive and understanding. Your outlook on how to deal with others changes and makes you act the same way you would have needed. 

You are stronger than you think...

And Always Remember,

Smile, Breathe and Go Slowly. 

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